Where is the worlds compassion??

So twice in the last month someone has felt the need to stop me and "comment" on how I am raising Jeremiah. People are constantly giving me dirty looks which I usually ignore but when they have the audacity to give their two cents I really loose it. Typically I have to calmly and rationally talk Jeremiah into doing something this can go on for 2 min to an hr depending on what I want him to do. Today it was trying to get him to blow his nose. So here I am trying to talk him into blowing his nose. He was wiping but not blowing it and i couldn't catch him off guard to do it myself. Jeremiah has ninja reflexs and I do not. This went on for 20 min when a women decided to come up to me who was sitting behind me, handed me a tissue and said he has a really big bugger and it is getting in his food. Yes I agree that the booger was disgusting but don't you think maybe something is going on with this kid that he wont just blow his nose and maybe just maybe it is not because the mother doesn't care. She obviously saw me trying to get him to blow his nose.

So I am asking everyone i know very nicely that the next time you see a mom chasing a kid in the parking lot, or constantly trying to get their child to stop touching everything in the store, attempting every crazy scenario to get them to wash their hands, and trying with everything in her being to just buy a gallon of milk , DO NOT JUDGE THEM ON HOW THEY ARE RAISING THEIR KIDS. You have no idea what that womens day looks like and quite frankly sometimes you need to get out of your house. Odds are that kid may not be "typical" or better yet is a boy not a girl and that in itself changes everything. Every child is different and in this day and age when 1 out of every 10 boys are dx with Autism odds are they are Autistic. So cut the lady a break and show her some compassion instead of judgement. On the flip side People with autistic children don't need your pity their kids are a gift and can do things the average kid can't comprehend, but because of this their days are harder. So lets just all have alittle compassion and grace and realize no two are made the same. Sorry for the rant I am just really fed up!!

Expectations

My ever wise sister in law was visiting last week and told me a parable of a sort that has had me thinking all week. A women was going on a trip to Italy she was so excited she had been prepping and preparing for her trip for weeks. She couldn't stop thinking of all the amazing Italian food she would consume. The rolling vineyards and the feeling of romance in the air. She boarded the plane with smells of hot espresso floating in her head. When she finally landed she looked out the window and realized she was not in Italy but instead had landed in Germany. She was devastated this is not what she had expected. She had plans and German beer was not in the picture she wanted Italian wine.

This is what it is like having an out of the ordinary child. When you are "expecting" you have all these visions of your child's future what it will be like. Then one day you realize you landed in a different country and things are not what you had expected. The question is can you learn to realize all that landing in Germany has to offer. Can you enjoy the German beer and sausages and all the history they have to offer or not?

We all have a choice. We can look at whats different with failed hopes and dreams or we can embrace our future with new and sometimes better hopes and dreams. Everyday we have to make a choice to except our present and find joy in what we have been given or live in sorrow of failed expectations. What joy can you find today in the land you did not expect to be living in? For me it is that have a son who is more loving and loyal then I could have ever imagined. I did not expect that but it is a beautiful gift of my present.

Faithfulness

A couple of weeks ago we particpated in the walk for Autism. As I was preparing t-shirts for the day I decided to listen to JJ's tape from his dedication. As I sat and listened to the words people had for him tears streamed down my face. No one knew when he was 10 weeks old that he would be who he is today but they nailed him head on. The words were loyalty and different. Loving and a lover of people. If you know my JJ at all you know that when he loves he loves so deeply it hurts, he is extremly loyal, and JJ sees the world through a different set of glasses.

Even at 10 weeks old God knew the plans he had for our boy. We as christians sometimes like to minimize the fact that God has plans for us, but throughout scripture God has had plans for everyone. Everyone had a purpose, a job to do, and God gives us the tools we need to complete the tasks set before us.

God has been faithful to complete a good work n JJ. He is doing awesome!!!!!! He was placed in an embedded preschool program that has been amazing for him. He was approved for wrap around services and has been particpating in activites I never thought he was going to be able to do. It is amazing to me to see the provision that is set before him. I can not wait to see who he becomes and how he learns to make a world that wasn't designed for him fit.

People are always looking at me and "piting"us for having a child with Autism. I am never really sure why people do that I would not change him for the world. He is one of my greatest treasures and I feel honored to have been given the task to raise him.

Jeremiah 29:11

Change

Do you ever have one of those days where everything changes in a moment and you feel like you were takin up in a tornado? I had one of those days this week. I got a phone call from JJ's OT this week telling me that he has outgrown the preschool he is in, that the typical preschool at Just children he goes to part time is being cut next year do to budget cuts. They were hoping I was planning on sending him to kindergarten next year. Unfortunately that is not our plan his birthday is two weeks before the cut off and we were hoping to keep him back a year so he could be more emotionally mature. My head was spinning trying to figure out what to do.

Just like that all my plans changed God slammed a door shut and redirected me to an open window. In a matter of hours in my heart I decided to home school JJ. I know this sounds absolutely insane but God has completely made a way for me to do this. We are within months of having all our debt paid off, nursing school clinicals were postponed for a year, we are moving in with my in laws so I can go to school and we can buy a house, my in laws are both teachers by nature along with my husband, etc..... In the midst of the tornado i saw everything. I saw a road already paved out for us. Children with autism tend to excel being home schooled do to the one on one teaching and quiet environments where you can tailor there education towards there interests. This isn't for everyone and every child has different needs, but for JJ I don't want his anxiety for school to interfere with his desire to learn. So here it goes.

It is all about perspective.

Today started out like any other day. We awoke to JJ jumping into his metal closet doors at 6:30 am and Abby laughing hysterically at her brothers antics. Except for today I took JJ to go see Dr. Kerschbaum a Psychiatrist who finally gave us a diagnosis for JJ. Its official he has A-typical Autism or PPD-NOS/ASD. Pretty much he doesn't fall into any specific category but displays some characteristics of Autism.

I know this sounds weird but I actually felt relieved if not happy. We finally have a diagnosis!! As I drove home from my sisters today with JJ sitting in the back seat (buck naked because his shorts got "dirty") I couldn't help but laugh. Our life may be insane but its our life. I really couldn't imagine JJ any different. He is all mine and I have been in love with him from the moment I laid eyes on his beautiful face. What we call autism is just seeing life from a different perspective. This gives him a unique ability to see things in people and situations that we may not notice.

Everyday with JJ is a new journey. I am thankful for the diagnosis that allows him to get wrap around. I am thankful that he is fearfully and wonderfully made. I am thankful for the amazing support of our family and friends. I am thankful that when I tucked him in to bed he said "I love you too mom". I am thankful for every hug and kiss. I am thankful for his huge smile that brightens my day. Most of all I am thankful for JJ and the blessing he is in our lives everyday. He may not fit into conventional societal roles but he fits perfect with us.

His mercies are new every morning

Slowly JJ's reports are coming and the final diagnosis is yet to be determined. He is definetly on the spectrum but there are discrepancies as to where he fits. Reading on paper all of his issues has completley broken me. My little baby boy who is so beautiful is not as he should be and for the first time I am allowing myself to be broken by it. Tears stroll down my face as I realize how different he really is. I cant stop asking why??.

As I ponder why this happened I am reminded of moses who stuttered and how God overcame his biggest obstacle and made him a leader of people who spoke to Kings (Pharoahs). God seems to like to work best in the midst of our weaknesses. As I look at my little boy I wonder "God what are your plans for him?" and I thank God that his mercies are new every morning. I know in my heart of hearts that God choose us to raise JJ. That he has entrusted us with his care and there is purpose in it. May we rise to the occasion and may his mercies follow us as we attempt to raise JJ in the way he should go.

As the onions peeled

I am in the process of registering JJ for kindergarten and he is getting ready to transition to a "typical" preschool with services, to prepare him for school. I am filling out more and more paperwork everyday. Autism questionnaires, Aspbergers surveys, behavioral charts, etc...from my uneducated point of view it is looking like JJ has Aspberger's. The jest being he is really smart with social and sensory impairments.

I am amazed by how much he has grown since Christmas his language skills have improved to the point that he asked me "is Josh your husband", and "he was so happy to see me". He has become incredibly affectionate with Abby, as well as the rest of the family. I have to admit I am looking forward to 5 with him as the onion is peeled we see more and more of who he is and I am amazed by the loving kind person he is. Parts of him reminds me of my brother Jason and cousin Zack loving, committed, honorable human beings. I couldn't have asked for anything more. I look forward to seeing the young man he becomes.