On August 11, 2005 I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He was perfect. It was love at first sight. Little did I know that JJ was going to radically change my life.
JJ is on the spectrum as the professionals like to say but where and how they don't know. I had no idea JJ was not "normal" (I say "normal" but what does that even mean) until he was 2. He would scream at large family gatherings to the point that we would have to take him outside, he smeared his feces all over his room, he stopped sleeping, everything got harder. I reluctantly called early intervention at the urging of my mother and soon learned I was not alone. The programs and services offered JJ dramatically helped him but everyday events are still a struggle.
I don't tell you this so you feel bad but more to give you a history. A history of a journey that is changing me day by day. JJ is by far my greatest gift(minus his sister Abigail Louise but I will get into that latter). I know with all my being that JJ has a purpose whether he is going to be an Olympian with his insane gross motor skills, or zoologist caring for elephants, or just follow in his fathers footsteps and be an amazing man, he has a purpose and his oddities are for a reason. Everyday JJ makes me a better person, he makes me more patient, kind , and generous. He makes me see the world through a different lens.
I hope this blog will encourage you to embrace your children for who they are, or maybe give you grace for children who aren't "perfect" in the worlds eyes. If nothing else hopefully this will be a venue to release our daily triumphs and struggles.
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I have read this 3 times. I really think we never find out who we are until we become mothers. That is where we find our strengths and weaknesses. Our gifts and curses...
ReplyDeleteYou are really amazing. I think this is courageous and I am sure will help many of us mothers simply having a bad day to realize, That there is always someone else struggling with a little more and triumphing.