I try so hard to be strong and positive to take each day as it comes and most days God gives me the grace to handle it. I have to admit that there are some days when I just wanna cry, when its to much, when I cant even take my kids to the grocery store, go to church without Josh or get through the day with my sanity. Some days I just want JJ to be "normal" so I can do "normal things". Some days I don't have the strength to get through it.
The hardest part is realizing this is OK. It is OK to be broken, overwhelmed, and at my end. It is OK to not be perfect. It is OK that no one really understands what we go through. It is OK! It is OK because its in this place that God meets me. Its when I cant take it anymore that he lifts the burden from my shoulders and gives me the strength I need to go on. Its in this place he makes beautiful things out of me and JJ. Its in this place I am refined and purified. Sometimes you need to let yourself be in the valley so God can walk you back up the mountain. Sometimes I need to let go and fall because I can't handle it anymore so God can catch me and give me a new strength. How he loves us, He loves us , He loves us, He loves us. How awesome it is to fall knowing you love me enough to catch me!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
For I know the plans I have for you....
As JJ's mom I have noticed that I sometimes subliminally underplay his disability. Part of me doesn't want to admit he is "different". Unfortunately this week my eyes were flung open to see whether I wanted to embrace it or not and this situation kind of left me stunned. A whole new set of questions that I had been refusing to hear came flooding to me. How is he going to relate? Will JJ make friends? Am I doing enough? Should I be getting more services? Do I need a diagnosis?
When my mind finally stopped spinning, I heard as clear as a bell "FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR JEREMIAH". Peace flooded me and I realized God has a plan. My personality is a fixer by nature. I see a problem and I solve it. I need to realize that GOD has a plan for my kids and the problem is not mine to fix and quite frankly it may not even be a problem.
A couple years before children arrived I heard a woman speak about raising a child in the way they should go. That when you raise your children in agreement with Gods plan for them when they are old they will not depart. That we as parents need to pray "YOUR WILL BE DONE" in our kids lives not so much our will or hidden agenda. We are fallible and the plans we have are not always Gods nor are they always beneficial despite our intentions. How good it is to rest in Gods plan for our children's live!! How awesome to have a loving father who has a plan!!
When my mind finally stopped spinning, I heard as clear as a bell "FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR JEREMIAH". Peace flooded me and I realized God has a plan. My personality is a fixer by nature. I see a problem and I solve it. I need to realize that GOD has a plan for my kids and the problem is not mine to fix and quite frankly it may not even be a problem.
A couple years before children arrived I heard a woman speak about raising a child in the way they should go. That when you raise your children in agreement with Gods plan for them when they are old they will not depart. That we as parents need to pray "YOUR WILL BE DONE" in our kids lives not so much our will or hidden agenda. We are fallible and the plans we have are not always Gods nor are they always beneficial despite our intentions. How good it is to rest in Gods plan for our children's live!! How awesome to have a loving father who has a plan!!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Character vs .........
Upon the suggestion of a few friends I have been reading the book "Sacred Parenting". The first chapter talks about how pain builds our character. The main idea being that in today's society we are more concerned with shielding our children from pain then building their character. The concept of building character in my children has consumed my thoughts. Inevitably life is going to have some valleys there are going to be hardships, sicknesses, and disappointments the question is am raising my children to be able to stand in the mist of these trials.
Growing up my mom was very sick she has had a treasure chest of illnesses that caused me to have to clean the house, take care of my brother and sister, and her. These experiences shaped who I am, they made me more compassionate and caring, more giving, more nurturing, more loving,......... I know I would not be the person I am today without these "Pains" they shaped my character and showed me I can ultimately get through any situation.
This is not an easy battle so often as parents we want our children to be "happy". We think by them being smart, successful, or attractive they will be happy. The fact of the matter is that theses things do not make you happy. Your character is much more likely to guide you into happiness then earthly treasures. Having hope, contentment, integrity, joy, compassion, grace, self control, etc. These things bring you "happiness". So the question is how do I build character in my children?How do we raise children that can whether the storm? I am much more concerned with JJ and Abby being kind to strangers, have compassion for those in need, and loving there neighbors then I am with worldly success and days that I am not I should be.
Growing up my mom was very sick she has had a treasure chest of illnesses that caused me to have to clean the house, take care of my brother and sister, and her. These experiences shaped who I am, they made me more compassionate and caring, more giving, more nurturing, more loving,......... I know I would not be the person I am today without these "Pains" they shaped my character and showed me I can ultimately get through any situation.
This is not an easy battle so often as parents we want our children to be "happy". We think by them being smart, successful, or attractive they will be happy. The fact of the matter is that theses things do not make you happy. Your character is much more likely to guide you into happiness then earthly treasures. Having hope, contentment, integrity, joy, compassion, grace, self control, etc. These things bring you "happiness". So the question is how do I build character in my children?How do we raise children that can whether the storm? I am much more concerned with JJ and Abby being kind to strangers, have compassion for those in need, and loving there neighbors then I am with worldly success and days that I am not I should be.
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